3/28/17

Life is draining.

Learning to accept what God has in store for me is something that is soooo hard to do and searching for this acceptance is draining.

I have done everything in my power to not be in California this summer because it is not  the best place for me to be. I don’t want to be there.

I am realizing that it isn’t about what I want but it is about what God wants. He wants me to be home and use the situations I am put in to further him.

For any of you that have been reading since my first blog, you know that this past summer was the worst and loneliest I have ever been. I have been running from being home to avoid these feelings, but now I have a choice: I can either go through the same thing again or seek God and look for the good in this situation,

I have new challenges to deal with this summer but I also have a new outlook. I am hoping to return this summer and remain strong.

Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

This is my keeping my head up and this is my hope.

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3/7/17

Isn’t it funny that the closer you get to God the harder the enemy attacks?

Something that I have been dealing with this semester is not being good enough-not being good enough to have that friend, not being good enough for that guy, not being good enough to be a leader, not being good enough for my career and not being good enough for God.

This past weekend, I went to an event called Renew and its basically a worship night with a guest speaker and I went to it with a hardened heart because all these lies were so heavy upon me.

We started worshiping, and I wasn’t really into it, but all of a sudden God hit me, like literally slapped me across the face with His love and it was such a relief. For the first time in a while I felt good enough. God embraced me with His love and pushed all of those lies out of my head.

I couldn’t help but cry because it was something I have never felt before. I have felt the presence of God, but I’ve never experienced a love so deep. The two hours we were there, I was crying the entire time because all I could hear were God’s words over me and not the enemies.

The verse that has constantly been coming up through my head is Song of Songs 4:7 “You are all together beautiful my darling; there is no flaw in you”. These are God’s words over me and nothing else matters.

 

 

2/23/17

A couple days ago, I wrote about finding true happiness and what my life may hold and well, I got my answer.

I am no longer a nursing major, but a Christian Studies major with an emphasis in global ministries. This is something I have been wanting to switch to since first semester freshman year, I just never felt ready.

I can’t explain how excited I am on this switch because I feel that God has set out a whole new chapter in front of me. Things that never even crossed my mind for what I can do for the rest of my life are now options and totally tangible.

I feel that God has called me to the mission field and I have felt this for a very long time, I was just never in the right place to pursue it. This year, I have made friends that have encouraged me to do what God has called me to do and not what everyone else says I should do and it has been THE BEST THING EVER.

So, at this moment, if you ask me what I want to do after college I honestly have no clue. There are a couple things I want to do, but lately God has been throwing me in the total other direction, so I guess I’ll just have to wait on Him.

I am so excited about this though because this is whole thing is new to me- new classes, new class mates, new teachers and a new lifestyle. I cannot wait to see where it takes me!

 

2/19/17

Holy wow.

Yesterday was something that I never thought I would have ever experienced in my entire life. What started as a 3 hour hike ended up being a 14 hour ‘adventure’.

This weekend, I went up to a leadership retreat in Payson, AZ and it is gorgeous so naturally, you hike.

There was a group of 10 of us- Lando, Jake, Adam, Kelly, Jessica, Kennedy, Olivia, Julia, Kayla and me, and we all decided we wanted to go on a hike. This was at 2 in the afternoon.

It started out being a super fun and simple walk, but we shortly got off the trail and ended up having to walk through thorn bushes, literally scale the side of a mountain, go up 1500 ft within the matter of a few hours, have people tumble down the hill and hope they weren’t going to die, rock climb with no equipment and have full faith that God was going to pull us through.

We finally got to the very top of the mountain and were so excited because WE CONQUERED THE SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN and we thought that we were going to have our friends come and pick us up but, of course, the roads were closed due to snow. We started to walk and by this time it was around 530/6ish and it was starting to get dark.

The snow was falling, we were walking through 5 feet of snow and a lot of our group was starting to get altitude sickness.

We finally found a road that had signs, so we decided to follow down it. For what seemed like hours (it was probably only like 1 hour) we were walking through the snow and we found a shack and a tower, but everything was locked so we kept walking.

20 minutes after passing the shack, we had to take a break to get everything sorted out. We were stranded in the middle of snow fall on a road that was closed down. None of us could feel our feet and we decided to sit down under a tree. It was in this moment that we all faced the fact that we may be here all night and maybe not make it out.

We decided to go back to the shack and try to get in and by the grace of God we were able to kick the door down. We went inside this small little shack that had one twin size bed, 2 jugs of water, 10 candles and spaghetti noodles.

We were in here for 5 hours before we could get help to us.

Once we got all of our shoes and socks off and started to warm each others feet up, there was a sense of peace.

Our leader who was back at camp was on his way up, but realized 3/4 of the way up that he couldn’t make it and decided to call 911 to come get us. We got in contact with them and just had to wait it out to get rescued.

While we were waiting, all we could do was worship. We all realized that we were here for a reason.

Earlier in the day, we had a quiet time where we had to pray about a fear that was holding us back in life. All of us had the same one- we were fearful of letting God take full control of our lives and boy does He have a funny sense of humor. He stuck us all on that mountain for this reason.

In the shack we all peed in a bucket, cooked spaghetti noodles over candles and builded community in the best way possible.

Around 12am, the first set of search and rescue guys showed up on snowmobiles and we have never been so thankful. We sent out the first two to the ambulance and then waited. The ride to the ambulance was 45 minutes, so we had to wait 1 1/2 hours each time two people left.

We got to the ambulance and they gave us blankets and water and made sure we were all in tact. As we were waiting for the others, the paramedics were telling us how lucky we are to be alive.

There is usually no signal out on this mountain and they usually find people like us as dead popsicles during the spring time when the roads actually open up.

After 14 hours of not knowing what was going to happen, all 10 of us ended up with only a few scratches and bruises and we all made it back safely to camp. This whole experience truly tested our faith in God and He pulled through.

This was the most exciting/fearful/nerve wrecking/faith loaded adventure I have experienced. Through out the entire thing, we were seeking God and after many mental break downs from people, we pulled ourselves together and managed to get out.

God is so good to us and kept His hand on us the entire time. We are suppose to be dead right now, frozen on the side of the road.

I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything. I got to know people I didn’t really know before, I got to get closer to God and I now have such an amazing story to share. This was truly set out by God and He molded us.

I’m so thankful that we made it out alive and for everyone who was praying for us along the way. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH.

2/13/17

 

Happiness is not something that is found easily in life.

Being in a state of true and utter happiness is something that everyone is in constant pursuit of and I think that you can only be TRULY happy when you surround yourself with God.

Lately, I have been struggling with what I am going to do with my future and I keep getting mixed signals and people telling me ‘oh that is not a good choice’ or ‘listen to what God has to say about it’ but what if you feel pulled in 500 different directions all at once? What do you do with that?

Wednesday is the determining day on what I will be doing in life and what my future will hold. This is fun/exciting/scary/uncomfortable because I don’t have approval or support from some people on both sides of it but ya know what? I feel like which ever way I go God is going to take care of me. That’s all you really need.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this decision and yes money and materialistic things and comfort are very nice to have, but it’s not what life should revolve around. It should be focused on doing what you feel called to do and trusting in that gut feeling. It should be focused on bettering yourself to love others. It should be focused on helping those in need.

We are called to be uncomfortable in God because once we get comfortable, we aren’t pushing ourselves to grow in God. Being uncomfortable can lead to so many great things for others and yourself.

God doesn’t guarantee happiness all the time, but He will always be our biggest supporter and greatest comforter and THAT is where the happiness comes from-is always having someone there for you and to love you.

1/31/17

Boys.

They really do suck.

Boys have never been my strong suit. I’ve never been with someone that I thought to myself “Wow, my family is going to love him” and I’ve never been able to keep a relationship. Being in a completely different place than I have ever been in my life, I think that when that time comes around, it is going to be different.

Lately, all my friends and I have had this ‘boy fever’-we all want a significant other who we can stay up late with, watch movies, and eat In-N-Out with.

I was starting to think that since I go to a school where the guy to girl ratio is 1:4, that I would never find anyone, but that’s not the case.

I’ve FINALLY realized that in this time of singleness, God is shaping me into the person I need to be to finally be in a relationship that is God based. This is going to be a first for me considering all my other relationships were with people who were far from God.

Having realized this, I know that people usually pop up when you least expect it and that since I am in wanting, nothing is going to happen. It is all going to fall into place in due time and all I can do is sit and wait and maybe do my hair and make up every now and then.

 

1/15/17

This is such a sweet time in life.

I don’t think I have the proper words to express how happy I am to be happy. I am reaching a place where I absolutely love the friends I’ve made this school year and so glad that I revolve my activities around God and don’t think twice about it-I’ve NEVER been so involved with God.

My past posts have been about my growth with God and what I have wanted and He has given me what I asked for-a life that revolves around Him and friends that love Him with all their hearts. I’m at a place of waiting right now, waiting to see what He has in store for me next and I can’t wait to see what it is.

I already know that this season will come with its rough patches because once I get to a good spot, I usually get beaten up, but I’m not going to allow myself to give in for once. I’m going to keep my life going at this happy pace and wait for answers.

This was a short little post, but I thought that I should share that life is so wonderful right now and I can’t wait for the adventures of 2017.